Quite content with the way my life was heading, I looked forward to everyday with God. I was making my dreams come true, going after what I wanted and trying to make a positive impact on the lives of others. Of course I knew I wanted to find the right person at some point in the not-too-distant future, but that was not my main focus. I knew that by focussing on my single life and improving myself, I would become a much more, well-rounded person – someone who had something to give to my partner when I eventually found him.
However, my singleness seemed to be a problem for others. Constant single jokes and comments were what I and my other single friends faced on a regular basis. On one occasion a person whom I held in high regard suggested I put my picture in the weekly magazine so that I could find someone. I was not only deeply hurt by this but also angry. Last time I checked I was not desperate and at the risk of sounding big-headed, I was also not short of offers!
There were those who would ask about my relationship status and future plans with genuine care and concern, but frankly I got tired of those who had nothing helpful to give or say – those who approached me with a “you might be doing well but you are nothing until you are married” attitude. How was that going to help me? Surely, making me feel this way would only cause me to act out of desperation as so many women (young and old) have done! I was having none of it. I realised that to preserve my faith, my vision and my sanity I needed to minimise my communication with some of these people and on occasion I had to put them in their place in the most polite way possible.
The desire to be in the “married” group, the knowledge that a certain respect comes when you are married, the longing to be a “Mrs”… the feeling of having finally met that milestone – that target of having it all – being successful AND married…nope! None of that was enough to make me desperately run into a relationship. The need to redeem the time and investment put into a relationship that went wrong was not going to cause me to rush into another big mistake! As far as redeeming the time was concerned, God had already made me a promise, remember? Yes, I wanted to be blessed in my love life. Yes, I wanted to find my other half, but I was prepared to wait, because I knew that it in the end it would be worth it…
At the beginning of the year 2011 I resolved that God would likely bring me the right person in a few years time, but since I did want to get married at some point I had to show myself and God that I was capable of looking after someone else. I changed my ways – became more helpful, more giving, more domesticated. I searched myself and asked God to help me to see the parts of me that needed improvement or change and I started to work on those things bit by bit.
A few months later, a friend of mine wanted to go on holiday, but as I had just come back from a mini break I couldn’t afford it. She then bought me a ticket as a belated birthday present. So off we went!
On this holiday was when I met the man who is now my lovely husband. I wasn’t searching for him and did not go on holiday with the aim of finding a man. I was giving God a few years to work on my love life. I knew it would take that long. That even if I’d found someone, it would take a few years to get to know him…Within a year of meeting my husband we were married. This was no rush – but time was perfect for us. Thankfully we were both in the position to spend a lot of quality time getting to know each other within that year. The time and the timing were right for both of us – so much so that everything to do with our wedding flowed perfectly. There were no acts of desperation, no financial issues or impediments and the day itself was perfect. The hand of God was and still is upon our union. Something that I had prepared to wait years for was given to me much earlier than I thought. God surprised me – and I like to think He rewarded my patience. Had I been anxious, I am pretty sure I would not be writing about this blessing today – I would still be waiting…
If you feel like you have waited so long for the right one, then, what’s a little longer? You’ve waited all this time, why pack it all in now and give in to desperation, going for completely the wrong guy. You may as well look at your waiting period as more time for self-improvement. More time to cherish your singleness and independence. More time to figure out what you really want! Then when you do finally find the right person, yourself and others will be able to look at your relationship as a testimony, as a blessing, as an example and say “wow, that truly was worth the wait”
Remember the feelings I described in part 1? Hurt, confusion, loss, rejection, embarrassment, loneliness, anger – it is extremely important to have overcome all of these feelings before trying to embark on a new relationship, because subconsciously you could be seeking that new relationship as a replacement or remedy for one or more of those feelings. It is said that time is a great healer. This is true, because with time comes so many other things, including opportunities to become a better version of you!
Haven’t found Mr Right yet? Wait, and wait well! In the end it’ll surely be worth it!