We all know how it feels when you’re in school and puberty hits. All of a sudden you are highly aware of yourself and how attractive (or not) that you are to the opposite sex. Suddenly passing that spelling test is not as important as being the only one without a boyfriend. God forbid if you cannot contribute to those conversations about the best kisses and sexual experiences. That’s our world today.
Picture this. A 16 year old girl, in her last year of school is with a group of her girl friends and the subject turns to boys. She smiles and nods as everyone makes their comments, no matter how outlandish (as long as they don’t ask her…) and then they start going round the group, everyone talking about their first kiss. Her brain starts working it’s way through excuses, fancy stories and blatant lies to cover up the fact that… “Whaaaat!” they say. “You’ve never kissed anyone?!” The multitude of laughter and ridicule brings a heat to her face so hot that all she can do is shrug her shoulders. “But you’re so late. EVERYONE has kissed by now!” “Are you a lesbian?” I’m sure you get the picture now. Could you feel it? The embarrassment for that poor girl? Now imagine that same conversation, only this time the girls are 20 years old. Find it hard to think of? Surely not these days. Now imagine they are 23… 24?
It’s kind of hard to imagine that scenario in today’s world. Why should that girl feel embarrassed, ashamed? Did she do anything wrong? No. Is there an age that you expire if you don’t kiss or have a boyfriend? No. Think with me. Who do you want to share your kisses with? Or rather who should you want to share your kisses with? I’m not talking about your platonic Hollywood air kiss reserved for acquaintances or the peck on the cheek you give to your family members. I’m talking about that kiss. The one you dreamed of sharing time and time again with that one special person that you love. The problem here is that may young women no longer believe in true love or in finding “the one.” So a kiss is now just a kiss. A quick one with that guy you just at the club; a passionate one with your latest boyfriend; an outburst of excitement at Glastonbury. It no longer has that value that it used to.
The girl in the story is me. From a young age I had a dream of being married and in love and all of that good stuff! I just always remember having that dream; it was like it had been placed in me as part of my original design. I held on to my dream as it was the truth to me. It was when complexes and peer pressure set in that my dream started to fade. When boys seemed to give me a wide berth, everyone (!) else was dating and gushing about their new experiences. Magazines confirmed that I was behind the times but while I was desperate to catch up, I didn’t want to be sharing things I considered private with just anyone? Who was going to be my prince?
After a painful and fruitless journey of desperation (and still no kiss!) I finally learned that my ideals were not so “behind” after all. After discovering that ‘there’s only one’ I changed my perspective. We are meant to be with one person who we love and who loves us and whom we are compatible. I made a vow to myself and God that I would hold out until someone proved themselves worthy of me, who would appreciate all the love and sacrifice that I was prepared to give. While you’re ‘waiting’ (link to Melissa’s article) you have a great opportunity to grow as a person and think carefully about the kind of person you want to be with. If you don’t know what you want, how can you find it? There is someone out there for you and if you don’t believe that it’s not because it’s not true. It’s because something or someone stole that from you. Get it back. Take it back! He is out there.
If you believe in this as I do and as I did back then, waiting for the right person to give yourself to won’t seem like such an arduous task. If you value yourself the way you should (you are unbelievably special. If you only knew…) then you will thoroughly check out every suitor to make sure he is truly suitable to you and compatible. Not any nice guy will do. Seeing as how we are only human, we can only see so much, I advise you to pray. Even if you don’t usually do it. My theory back then was; If God really did exist, then when I was praying for my future husband, in that very moment, God could see exactly who he was even when I had no clue. And if I could believe for one moment that He would honour my request, then the future of my love life was safe and I could concentrate on other things.
How many frogs do you have to kiss before you find your prince? My answer is none. If you do your investigations right, you will expose the toads, the frogs and the frauds. At the end of your trials you will find a few real princes and then after further research and testing, you will find the one for you. Don’t let time, society or the changing morals of this world bully you into giving up your sentimental values and dreams. Be proud of being “behind” for the sake of sticking to your convictions. Once you get to that point in your life when you’ll be free to give yourself to that one person at the right time, you’ll be glad that you waited. If you’re reading this and you say “But I’ve already kissed (or more) many frogs! Don’t worry; this is not some purity pledge. More like self preservation. Sometimes we do things because we don’t know better, but we don’t have to keep doing them. You must have found a few frogs! Challenge yourself and stand up to anxiety. Prepare yourself to receive your prince. Find out how a true prince really acts, lives and treats his princess. Wait.
I know it’s not as simple as that, but the principle is. If you have any questions you would like to address to me, feel free to drop me an email. I am ready to advise anyone who needs it.